Winters get real killer when you're
single and have no one close to share your loneliness. A quick thought of
tasting a 'dating app' and here is my experience. An 'Online Dating' has become
a very controversial topic for me after getting to know these four young Indian
men. On a positive note, an honest stranger who made me feel so small and
wounded my inner soul that I had to write my first blog... I really thank you for being honest
to me on that cold and frosty morning.
I found an interesting profile, a sweet
and simple looking guy, separated. Mr. A was from London. Sounded perfect for
me! I was looking for a virtual buddy with whom I can get along well, kill my
loneliness and later can hangout on a date and have some good time. Mr. A quiet
desperate to meet and he convinced me to meet him. My worries and nervousness
were on high. He can be a fake, a conman, and a criminal, anything negative! I
firmly checked his IDs that day. Yes, I did. And then I was rest assured about
his basic details being truly given to me. During the conversation, he asked,
why am I divorced? So I also truthfully and briefly shared my past with him.
Mr. A, on the other side of the table became guilty conscious. My gut was
telling me to stop talking and enjoy the date. I didn't put a full stop. He
continued as it is on that day. Three days passed, no texts/calls from Mr. A, I
felt like I've lost him somewhere in that cafe`.
Ignorance from him and self-blaming
from me! who
likes to be ignored? Texting him became so boring as he stopped flirting.
Finally I had to insist him to be open and honest. And, he did something really
brave. His text reads “I am really very sorry but I have lied to you. I have a
lovely daughter and I am married. I have lied to you and I do not expect you to
forgive me. I have become guilty conscious and the guilt is killing me and I
don't know how to confess to you and apologize. Please please please forgive
me. But I can't cheat you after what you've gone through in your life. He
begged for my apology repeatedly.” The ground beneath my feet began to crumble!
Yes, I felt absolutely disgusted and damn annoyed on him. How could he do this
to his family and why? My questions are still unanswered by Mr. A. and then
suddenly my practical-self banged my head, “How many strangers in this world
would have courage to confess, speak up and ask for an apology? He would have
kept on ignoring or even worst would have cheated me too? I appreciated Mr. liar
for making that right choice and being a real human. Now that we are no longer
in touch, I wish you become truthful to your wife and confess to her one day
and that will be your apology. If given a chance, I would love to connect to
Mr. A's wife to tell her that your man is an honest one, make him feel even
more valued and loved so he never ever think of being dishonest to you
again.
Then comes Mr. B and Mr. C, who were
only interested in those three little words, called SEX and that was a dead-end
for me. Before I swiped like for Mr. D, I dig out his social media
profiles first and made sure he indeed is single man and I did all possible
social media background checks! Glad, he continued to scrutinized in my
process. We are now
acquainted. He is another honest man who says the truth about himself
on an online dating platform to a stranger. We still haven't met nor we are
keen on meeting in person. I truly value this new friend of mine.
We are humans, who make mistakes
everyday and then choose to hide. There is other type, who dares accept the
mistake and rectify it! The
choice is yours to pick the right one. And with all due respect, me dear
wives/husbands, don't you think that you're equally (may be less in some
cases) liable for your other half being dishonest to you? Rewind your Sunday,
the last 24 hours and tell yourself, how many minutes (could be hours for some
lucky couples) did you both spent together where there was no cell
phone/TV/laptop/tablet/gaming console/book/newspaper, etc. and How many times a
day you both looked into each other’s eyes, hold hands and said "I Love
You" and a few words of appreciation for being there for them?, When
was the last time you asked your other half for a date just like that?, When was
the last time you fell for him/her and became romantic out of nowhere? This
list can go forever. To keep your relationship ever refreshing and long lasting
there should be no excuses about your age, job, family, kids, salary, life
style, society, and/or stress! If you're complaining and arguing each time then
it's a high time to give your relation a twist! Turn on their favourite
music, light a candle, get a cosy quilt and get romantic tonight either over a
cuppa tea or coffee or a glass of wine. Don't wait for that time, create
it! Then? Repeat, repeat and repeat as many times as you can. One of
you has to start and other has to participate and appreciate the efforts. Can
you life partners make the time for your loved ones? Yes, choice is yours. The
more you are spending your time with material things and world, the higher the
chances you're disconnecting with your life partner.
These four men taught me a little about
"Man and Honesty" and without being judgemental, I simply can
summarise that those who are intentionally/unintentionally cheating on and have
been hiding their extra marital affairs from their life partners this is not
fair on anyone. One of us has to dare to accept & respect when your
partner confesses his/her sins and not to penalise them for being honest &
trustworthy. Can you talk about this little article to your
husband/wife/partner tonight when they come home? Tell them, how you want to
steer your usual life into more quality life with them. Make them feel valued
and loved. If you know the answer already then I wish you the best happy
beginnings. Others, keep reading as my blogs are in progress...
I wisely think that this blog gets
picked up and read by Mr. A's wife and he can get that chance to be honest and
truthful to her. Dear Wife, I am sure you will make the courageous choice of forgiving him and
accepting his honesty. By chance, if Mr. A gets his eyes on my blog then
do respond to my unanswered questions someday :)
You will only know a true value of a
family, when you will loose your family whether it’s a destiny or by choice. You’ve got a beautiful family. Preserve
it. Live it. Don’t let it go. People are to be loved and not used for.
Loads of Love,
A Single mum without her family XX
